Best Man Wedding Toast Tips

Archive for December, 2009

After my sisters wedding I was asked to be the best man in a long time friend from high school’s wedding.  I knew it was going to be very large wedding (I think there were over 200 people there) and I needed to be better prepared for this best man toast then I was at my sisters wedding.

One of the things I did first was searched for some help on the internet.  I found a guide that helped me immensely in preparing for my toast.  You can check it out here if you are interested.

The last thing I wanted to do was get up there and fumble around for the right words to say.  I mean this was a really big deal.  So I wrote down some of the things I wanted the speech to do and built the best man toast around it.

1 – Share some memorable, slightly embarrassing moments from their past.
Since I have known the groom for over 20 years and in this case I actually had worked with the bride for about 4 years before the two of them meet, I had plenty of material to choose from.  My goal here was not to dredge up the past that may cause an issue but there are times in everyone’s life that are funny and make us squirm a little.  You know those “I can’t believe I did that.” moments.

2 – Show how much their love was known to all of us.
This was hard for me.  Not because they didn’t show their love, but because how, as a guy, was I going to do this without looking like a total sap.  Well my wife convinced me that doing this would be one of the biggest reasons that my best man toast would be remembered.

3 – Finish with a memorable poem or story.
I don’t know why, probably because I am not a writer, but using someone elses words seemed like the best way to close my wedding toast.  Especially if I could find something that tugged at your heart.  I ended up using “There’s always room for a couple of beers.” story I talked about in this post Using Poems and Stories in Your Best Man Speech.

It ended up being he best wedding toast I have ever given. Maybe it was because I had know the two of them for so long and so well.  Or may it might have been the story I read at the end.  Whatever it was, when I looked up from the paper I was reading my speech from people were standing and clapping.  I am not kidding…that’s not an exaggeration they were actually standing and clapping.  When I looked at the bride and groom they both had smiles and tears in their eyes. For me it was a perfect storm, everything came together perfectly all at the right moment.

Mission Accomplished.

I found this on YouTube.  It’s just an example of how not preparing your best man speech or trying to do it on the fly can be a disaster.  I mean in all honesty he didn’t ruin anything, but he definitely missed an opportunity to give his friends a moment they won’t forget.  I know that public speaking isn’t for everyone but you should be able to at least prepare some notes.  So do yourself (and the bride & groom) a favor…take the time to prepare at least a best man toast you can at least read.  That way if you get to nervous you can simple read what you wrote.

Not everyone is a great speaker.  So the thought of giving a best man speech can be a daunting one.  If you find it difficult to express  yourself in your own words don’t be afraid to use someone elses.  Searching the internet you can find great stories or poems you can incorporate into your wedding toast.  Just be honest and don’t take credit for it.

Here is a good life story that always leaves a mark with a wedding crowd.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2″ in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. This time the students were sure and they responded with a unanimous “YES!”

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar — effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children, things that, if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car”.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you”.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. Do something for the community. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

“Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.”

Not only have I given several best man speeches but I have witnessed many more.  Some good..some not so good.

You wouldn’t think that when you are among family and friends that you would have to be that careful about what you said and did.  I mean they know you right?  They’ll understand what you meant.  Well the fact of the matter is that’s not always true.  Here are somethings to keep in mind when it’s your turn to give a best man wedding toast.

The Bride & Groom

Above all else these are the two people you have to make happy since the day is all about them.  If you remember to give a wedding toast that they will be proud of and that they will cherish forever that will go a long way to helping you deliver a wonderful speech.

You don’t want to re-tell stories of embarrassing moments involving the bride and groom unless you have cleared it with them first.  If you can’t and you are unsure if it is a good idea or not your should use caution and leave it out.

Open Bar

At most weddings there is an open bar or at least free beer and wine.  And if you drink you need to be careful not to have to many before you are to give your best man toast.  I have seen many well intentioned best man fall flat on their faces because they had to many drinks.  Wait till you have given your speech.  Then you can drink as much as you want.

K.I.S.S

Stands for Keep It Short Stupid. (actually is stand for keep it simple stupid but I took artistic license here)  You don’t want to be long winded during your wedding toast.  3 minutes usually will do the trick with 5 minutes pushing the limits of everyone’s desire to sit and listen to you.

Remember they want to get out there and dance.

The first time I was asked to be a best man was in my sisters wedding 9 years ago.  Since it was my first time I didn’t know that I would have to give a best man toast at the reception.  I’d be kidding if I told you I wasn’t nervous.  Getting up and speaking in front of all those people scared the hell out of me.  So I started asking every one I know what I should talk about, what should I say.

The best advice I got was from my dad.  He said that I first needed to decide what kind of best man speech I wanted to give.  Did I want it to be funny or sentimental? Or both?  He said I could be just like everyone else and get up there and tell some lame jokes about my sister and her new husband and that would do fine, but he thought that since this was her special day why not try do give a wedding toast that every one would remember for a long time to come.

So i started writing down some ideas and thoughts about marriage, my sister, her soon to be husband, our family and anything else I could think of.  I had a list of about 25 things I could talk about so I felt confident that I could get up there and give the best man toast of the century.

Man was I wrong.  Having all those items on my list only confused me and I could not remember for the life of me what I wanted to say about each.  I know it was just my sisters wedding, but I felt like I was in front of a whole stadium full of people and I lost what I wanted to say.  In the end it was probably not the most memorable wedding toast ever given but I think I was able to get some nice things out about the happy couple and I didn’t embarrass myself to much.

If there is anything that I hope you take from this site is that most of us need to prepare more then a few notes or try to come up with a wedding speech the night before.  Trust me I know…that happened to me at my best friends wedding a few years ago.  But I’ll save that story for another day.